I’m a 22 year-old girl from Istanbul, Turkey. It has been months without you, Chris. However, I still have too much pain because of this huge loss. It’s a wound that will never heal. It doesn’t feel real to me no matter how much time has passed.

I still remember that horrible day. I got the news from my close friends as soon as I woke up. I said ”Come on, that link is a virus. This can’t be true. Are you all kidding me, right? This better be a joke!” at first. I logged in all of my social media accounts to see what had happened. Unfortunately, those news were true… Later that day, I turned up the radio. All of the rock stations were paying tributes to him. They played his songs all day. I listened to those stations in shock and sadness. I also cried all day long. He was the only artist who made me cry because of his death. I lost my favorite artist, that situation hit me so hard.

I discovered Chris’ songs thanks to some video games. People keep saying that video games are useless. Those games helped me create a unique musical taste. When Chris came to Turkey first in 2007, I couldn’t enter his concert because of my age. He came to Istanbul for the second time in 2014, but the age restriction blocked me from seeing him again. I didn’t lose my hope, and waited for him to come again. When I became 21, I said that there’s nothing can stop me from seeing Chris since my age wouldn’t be a problem again. Unfortunately, he couldn’t make it… In April, I prepared a presentation about Soundgarden for my microteaching class. I printed out some of Chris’ and the band’s photos as you can see in the picture. All members of Soundgarden are very talented people, but I wanted to introduce Chris to my friends more. Nobody in my class knew who he was. I just wanted to introduce an amazing person to them. I showed his photos to my friends and said ”This is Chris Cornell who is the lead vocalist of Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog, and Audioslave. He also has solo albums. I love him and respect him so much. I’m waiting for him to come here again. Please give him a chance, you won’t regret it. You’ll love him.”. I also recommended Euphoria Mourning for them. It’s my favorite album of his. That album also made me consider Chris as an imaginary friend of mine. Although he didn’t know me, he saved me from falling in love with the wrong guy. His lyrics in ”Can’t Change Me” prevented me from making that mistake.

Chris, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I can’t thank you enough for what you did in your whole career. You managed to make me stronger thanks to your lyrics. You changed so many people’s lives in a good way, I’m really sure about that. I’m trying to ease my pain by listening to your songs. As soon as I hear your voice or see your photos, I start to cry because you’re not here with us… However, listening to your songs is the only thing that make me feel comfortable. This is kind of a never ending cycle. I don’t know how to cope with this loss. My family and friends keep telling me that you are gone and I must get over this. Their words make me very angry, because you were so special to me even if you don’t know me personally. You said ”Future generations should know our music and who we are.”. Why did you leave all of us? I can’t stop thinking about your family and relatives. As your fan, I’m still so sad and grieving for your loss. I’m nothing more than just a fan, but your family and relatives were around you 24/7. I hope they can recover from that sadness. I will never forget you. I will also never let people forget you as soon as I’m alive. I love you so much. I hope you can find peace wherever you are right now.

-Begüm Sanak